it is the rest period of the day without noisy food fight
the tide takes away young crabs and small fish
the gulls know of their faithful return tomorrow
one sings, another cruises, and the other grooms,
so relaxing and carefree
they are satisfied with today’s offering
thriving in a densely packed colony
The old man shared the same room with grandpa
in a nursing home close by.
Every time I visited grandpa,
he sat on his bed,
facing the window.
I never knew him,
never once wanted to disturb.
I knew his back view very well,
a white tailored t-shirt,
That day I didn’t see him.
The bed was empty.
Grandpa said he passed in peace.
“A blind man looking out the window
who wanted me to know
this is not a depressing place.”
I gave grandpa a big hug
pretending I didn’t see his tears.
The garden flat I once lived
was so quiet.
There was this old copper tap dripping
made up the only noise.
I thought of putting some cheese out
to bait some mice to create more sound.
Then I got worried
that I would make them dependent.
And that would be unkind.
Sometimes I held my breath
to listen to the tap.
Just to be sure that
I was not alone.
I accumulated songs spanning across decades to a Cassa’s Faves Spotify playlist. They are songs with lyrics touched my heart. Other than that, I had not done any analysis on the playlist until I came across the Mark Ruffalo quote “You can tell a lot about a person by what’s on their playlist”.
We are who we are both in the sun and in the shadow.
My professional life requires me to be a people person who is supportive, accountable to my work, respecting others and acting with integrity. So I seem to be a real positive person who is full of hope. I will say this is me in the sun.
My playlist is me in the shadow. I am filled with regrets, sadness, missed chances, broken promises and disappointments. When I listen to my playlist, every bit of me mesmerised in the melodies, transfixed in the lyrics, living out my shadow in the open air. They take me to places where I allow the pain to surface, rise and fall, ebb and flow into the inner chamber of my heart so very ever scarred.
I allow my heart to mist my dark eyes, to rain on my soul, to darken my days. The long nights is my companion, the daybreak is my watching angel and the first ray of the sun is my knight.
I am me in the sun and in the shadow in one breath.
This weekend has been planned out to be a busy one with cooking, travelling and loads people contact. However with some magic shuffle, I ended up with a window of quiet evening. I attempted to finish reading a book I was half way through but couldn’t pick it up. Then I attempted to write a poem or two and felt uninspired. The next thing was watching a movie on Netflix but nothing looked interesting. There was a sense of unsettling for me. I felt I needed to sit with my feelings to untangle them. So I sat and played music softly in the background.
I am always grateful for what music gives me when I am exhausted with giving or run out of inspiration. Besides the nature, music is my second go to place for quiet time. I feel that through music, I am able to relate my own feelings to the artist. It is more like the artist reaches me through their music and lyrics. They help me identify my own feelings and emotions. Then what was trapped in my head has an outlet to express. For me, it is usually through writing.
Sitting with my own feelings is never an easy thing to do. With music though, I feel I have a guide and I am never alone.