Tag: fear

It Is What It Is

Writing with Little Charmer was very effortless, I feel we write in each other’s space and it blends. I hope you feel that way too when reading it.

From what happened
Between us last night
I have a feeling
This has potential

I even contemplate
to stay for breakfast
skip work
and love on you more
But after my first cigarette
I realised
for our art to be perfect
I must play the escape artist
once more

You see I cannot give you
What you want
Unless we can agree
To take it slow
I may not be sure
Of many things
But my fear of love
I know

If that’s not enough for you
We’d better call it quits
Not everything has a happy ending
Life can be a hit and miss

Truth Hurts

I couldn't breathe or fit into a growing red China.
I would never protest or speak my mind for the fear of losing  the little freedom that I had, more so the safety of my love ones.
So I escaped and started restoration and healing in the land of downunder.

Now the suffocating condition returns when I witness my fellow citizens fighting for our freedom, and are under the tyranny of our elected government.

This is the most difficult realisation. I ran from a wolf to a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Flicker of Thoughts (Reblog)

Tara from Raw Earth Ink created this piece based on the name of my blog. It took me to a scene deep into a story I so wanted to read more…

“in a way, it was savage
the way you held my hand
a little too tight
a little too firm
nails biting into
the back of my hand

in a quiet corner of my mind
there stood a tiny thing
just a flicker of thought
in the recesses, shadowed
shrouded in doubt
yet true nonetheless

and I knew, I really knew
there was no mystery
I’d read the signs
you stood a little too close
breath heavy, hot on my neck
I swayed but stood my ground

every movement you made
a veil lifting behind my rapidly
blinking eyelids
memories marching forth
revealing all your true intentions
every phrase holding hidden meaning

and the flickering thought brightens
the idea, a plan, formulating
I will break these shackles
one
by
one
the weight, the savagery will lift
your influence will, like reins, loosen
I will see my freedom

if only I feed the courageous flame

tara caribou | ©2021

Another in my series of using blogger site titles or tagline as a writing prompt. The poem has no relation to the blog or blogger other than using their title (in this case, “Flicker of Thoughts” from Cassa Bassa) as a prompt. I hope you enjoy!”

Name it and shame it

Fear, you little creep!
You are a liar
manifests in mountains
without walking tracks.
In fact,
you are pinned
underneath my thumb.
I call out your name.
You break
and run miles
with delusion
between your wobbly legs.
Fear, you little shit!

Fear

I have enroled in an online creative writing course. The first thing I have done for myself in 13 years.

I have just read through the intro of my coursemates. I have found myself to be deflated for the simple fact that others are better writers than I. They have done some serious writings from journalism, academic research articles, professional journals and book reviews. Here I am, struggling to get English spelling and grammar in check. And this is only a basic writing course. WTH?!?

Being Chinese, I grew up in a highly competitive academic culture. I was one of those students who failed in prepared exams while topped the class in spontaneous assessments. I failed to perform in high school entry exam and university entry exam. I struggled almost all subjects except chinese literature, English language and physical education. Jokes aside, I am truely one of the rare chinese who fails in mathematics.

My performance anxiety has been carried throughout adulthood although I have been mostly managing and coping relative well. It is in times like this I feel myself starting to buckle under pressure.

My brain is having a debate when I am writing this. It is not noisy, instead, rather frustrating.

I want to quit before the first assignment so nobody gets to read my dodgy writing.

Don’t quit! Readers’ comments help you to be a better writer. That’s the whole point for coursemate interaction.

How do you deal with the lukewarm comments? You know those too polite to tell you that your writing sucks? Or the perfectionists keep picking on your poorly constructed sentences? Or just heartless ‘good effort’ ones?

You are completely overthinking and freaking yourself out. Remember how to deal with overthinking?

I know! I know it may not happen (and as if it really gonna happen and people actually will be that mean) and I should dismiss the thought and not let it consume my energy. I may have great characters and plot to write. But I know they are just better writers who write stuff that makes sense to the reader.

Fear is a fucking liar and you are making no sense whatsoever…

Did you just stomp off on me? Hey….hey… I am all alone now to do this hefty thinking. I need my Pup…😔