Its ‘believe for Sally’ Day! Sally is a local hero and a young mother who is fighting late stage of cancer.

I didn’t have tattoos nor piercings. I didn’t believe punching holes in my body, period.

Many years ago, Sally’s sister Rachel and I went to the same church and we love Jesus.

A month ago, an Instagram post struck my eye. It’s an invitation to the Inked Fish Salon to have ‘believe’ tattooed to support Sally.

I am not a person who makes hasty decisions for things with permanency. After a week’s contemplation, I decided to participate ‘believe for Sally’.

I lost people whom I love to cancer is not a piece of news. It happened, happening and will continue to happen. The word ‘believe’ for me, it is beyond believing for miracle healing of cancer, it is believing that we are not allowing cancer to rob us of joy in this life.

When I was 18, my cousin 思丹 was 13. She was a happy, simple and beautiful village girl. We lost her to leukemia shortly after she turned 14.

I clearly remembered that last time I visited her in the hospital. 思丹 loved mangos. I took her a juicy and meaty mango when I visited her. She was as pale as a porcelain doll. They stopped all treatment already. We took turns to brush her forearms, the only thing she found pleasurable in her last days.

I offered her the mango. I saw her eyelashes fluttering like the butterfly emerging from the cocoon. Then she curved her fingers signalling welcome to my offer. I was about to stand up to cut up the mango for 思丹. My uncle rushed off his seat and stopped me doing that. He told me mango is not good for her daughter’s diet. I was a compliant person. I honoured my uncle’s request. So 思丹 died 2 days after deprived from her favourite fruit.

By the village’s tradition, it is a taboo to bury a young person along the ancestors in the family graveyard. So 思丹 was buried somewhere in the forest. To me, that somewhere is a wasteland of nowhere.

I had been angry at myself for a long time, for not fighting for 思丹’s last pleasure of tasting a mango, for not being able to stand up to my uncle’s authority. More over, I hated the fear cancer instilled in my love ones’ hearts. It robbed them blind of simple pleasure and joy in life.

#believe4Sally and beyond, it is my pledge to believe miracle healing and be joyful in tribulations.

“Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfast in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)

Mental Health First Aid

I was a bit down


I stuck in that melancholy rug

I even took a walk

to the bluest sky

and bathed in the most

striking sunshine

I restrained myself from

looking at the shadow patch

where no grass would grow

I turned off the sad tunes

of agony moans

I even played aeroplane

when dining alone

So one spoon full after the next

I conducted self care

By the nightfall is

when the vampires roar

I wrote myself a cheeky poem

to dig myself out of the

depressive hole

You and I to the end

I am sitting upon the same rock

facing the ocean

thinking how all these years

I keep calling, calling…my heart

There has been always empty echos

And yet, I am still here

calling, calling..my dear heart

as if I stop

all these 22 years fulfil a lie

My heart will cripple in emptiness

not an ounce of strength to grief

I keep calling, calling…my only heart

Till my hair all grey

Till my heart frail

I will go in peace knowing

Across the seas

your eyes are dim

your bones are aching

You lived the lie that I would never stand smiling at you

just like the day we first met

curious, unpretentious and loyal.

Will you?

When all you know is turbulence

Will you tell the sea is calm?

When all you’ve been through is futile

Will you still long for maybe?

When all you taste is bitter vile

Will you remember the dew once on your lips?

When all you sense is darkness closing in day after day

Will you even contemplate the rays?

When all of you is an open wound

Will you? Will you let me in?

An ocean dream

The rolling waves

sometimes quiet sometimes roaring

like the pleasure in my belly

Your hands are soft like the sea breeze

sweeping through my growing sensitivity

Your caress stirs my desire

The millennium longing lips searching for answers

Singing ancient primal tunes to your being

Gearing to the rhythm of clockwork

Dripping sweat melts into the salty sea

The moonlight reflects the burning amber

flames intertwined

The trembling bodies convey consuming current

unreserved offer and acceptance

back and forth

back and forth

like waves crashing the rocks

broken in splendidness

rebirth in harmony