Suicide Note

I never know if there is a next life. If there is one, will I meet you again? To be honest, I prefer this is the end. Because no matter how sweet our love is, there will be more bile. I am incapable to be a knight to keep fighting for us. So, I choose to be a deserter.

I don’t know how much time do I have to live. I don’t know how long I will go on loving you. I still love how you appear in my mind. I still love your sound especially the way you speak. I even miss your once angry voice. But you are so calm and peaceful these days. And I too, love the content you.

I am willing to be an infatuated man loving you in humble distance. Perhaps for you, I am a masochist, a lower rib, a self fulfilled devastation. There is no time table for our love. Yet, I am counting down the days. I am giving all I can while you know I am a hypocrite.

I am glad that I don’t look forward to the next life. I am satisfied to surrender to a woman like you, a love like us. There are not enough next lives to match this passion, this madness and this loyalty in its totality. I have enough material to write love poetry to make up for the missing kisses and passionate nights.

I walk to the end of my life with worn out shoes in the company of your divine shadow and angelic sound.

 

不知道是否有下辈子,更不知道下辈子还会否遇见你,真好我不想有下辈子了,即使更多甜蜜,我怕更多苦涩,沒法做一个英勇的斗士,我选择做了强硬的逃兵。

不管今世还有多长,不管我还能深恋多久,我还是喜欢你一直在我脑海里的样子,一直喜欢你的声音,喜欢被你说教,可惜你不再凶了,你过于平静平淡,但我依旧在喜欢,我在做一个蠢男人,我把自己惨成渣了,再也不是花,我可以更卑微地遥望你,我可以就做一个下里巴人,一个傻球,我数着倒计时着哪天结束这段爱程,时间表沒有列出,我依旧信心满满给予所能给予的,不管是否虚伪?

真好我不会投胎下辈子了,这辈子投降了一个女人,这辈子投降了一段痴情,再有多少可能,再有多少辈子,我也终将遇不到,对她的痴心痴情痴癫,我够了,没够吻,没够性,够了爱,已足够可以写诗写文。

踏破铁鞋无觅处,佳音丽影伴一生。

Published by

Cassa Bassa

🇦🇺🇨🇳 inquisitive, observant, witty, a thinker, was a misfit child 😊

12 thoughts on “Suicide Note”

  1. Such a passionate poem. But at the same time, I question the advice I’d give this man. Perhaps he is better suited to move on than live life depressingly chasing what he knows he can’t have.

    Like

    1. I think the depression comes from he gave up his right to love when he had the chance. Now his is a living death to reap the regret. It is indeed very sad. It also makes us realise we need to fight for what we love. That’s the least we can do, and leave the rest to God. Regret is not one of the cards dealt by God.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my heart bleeds for this poet who likely has passed before my time! Is he still alive, Cassa?
    I keep thinking of the quote from Lord Tennyson “Better to have loved and lost , than to never have lived at all!”. It may be actually than to never have known love at all. I think the second is correct. Yes sadly, deeply and painfully I read this poem as my 15 year relationship (13 married) has come thrashing down through my heart. At times I think of him…yet know not once he worried of me. Now I sit homeless with a shopping cart…of nothingness. Tears flow. Maybe therapeutic. Love you Cassa! M

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He is still kicking and well 😊
      He has chosen a different woman but spent the rest of his life lament about his only love.
      And she finally moved on and be well again.
      Love you to M! Like always, you are precious. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

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