Melancholy Life

This piece is a translated meaning of Jun’s original poem in Chinese. Jun is a loving husband, a proud father and a successful business man. His love for literature and tea remain throughout his life.

I only know this life even reincarnation may be real. The rain stopped as tears also dried out in my hollow and withered frame. I may sit in solitary and mesmerised by the past. And yet no amount of sweet memory surpasses my speck of reality.

Time drifted away and aged me. I still broadcast my love to the clouds. They echo within the walls of my ears, so loud and clear. But I wake up every morning and experience the same realisation that they are just dreams. I cannot defeat this mundane life. Poetry and prose are my only hope to keep on living.

不论几世仅一生,泪干雨歇花凋零, 重忆情恩俱往昔,柔情蜜意愧真人。 不论光阴岁月残,对云寄语几心思, 回音徒塞两耳鸣,岂知梦醒一场空, 按停时空成俗子,待将余生做愚诗。

Lullaby

(Image by Josh Knight)

This poem was first posted on 29 November 2018

rushing rain

twirling dust

wind, the ballerina

orchestrates the masterpiece

consoles my sleepless nights

soothes me with sweet dreams

破天急雨

尘埃降下
婀娜来风
淅沥交响 
昨夜辗转
今宵恬梦

Quicksand (流沙)

爱情就如流沙
巧匠耗尽终生
密密编织情网
网密时沙粉碎
留不住的光阴
抓不住的爱情

love is like quicksand
you spend your whole life
try to make the sieve finer
the finer it gets
still, finer is the sand
you can never salvage time
just as
you will never seize love

Distant Future

I have a habit of admiring the cool moonlight
and making plans to visit you.
I am used to measuring my footsteps
to gauge how much I miss you.
The long distant travel doesn’t bother me
as long as I know I get to linger around your scent.
I keep enduring the absence of your love
watching the moon pulls the tide.

 

我不是今日才要慕晚月凉,
明天艳阳去寻娇娘,
日子不空只随脚步踱思念,
远行不累,
香气怡人漂他乡,
牵挂着,
断渐爱恋缠又续。

Treasure

A depressed teenager, I was, and insomniac. People came and went like whirlwind on a daily basis which left me dizzy and confused. Music and books were my true friends.

I must have been fourteen or fifteen when I started to write poetry. I produced two poetry collections with themes in love and nature. They were more like scrapbooks filled with hand scribbles, doodles and glued on magazine cut-outs. They were the treasure of my teens, and probably the only treasure I proudly claimed mine.

I had a pen friend, yes, a pen friend. Strong and I shared a common interest in poetry. We had written to each other for over three years. We got to exchange our favourite pieces of own poetry. After so many years, he still kept my correspondence. I am grateful to him because he preserved a few pieces of my poetry from early days.

You may wonder what about those two collections. Well, this is what this short writing about. Be careful where you leave your treasure and who you trust.

My buddy Bupa and I were very close. We talked on the phone for hours every day.  We talked about anything but nothing. In hindsight, they were mostly harmless banter but also completely time wasting. It seemed to me at that time of my lonely years, Bupa was my only trusted friend. When I decided to come to Australia to start a new life, I asked Bupa to keep my two poetry collections for me under lock and key until I returned. He didn’t say no. That was summer in 1998.

In 2014, I finally met up with Bupa and asked him to return my two collections. He told me he didn’t have them anymore. He threw them away because of fear of his wife’s jealousy. I was beyond shocked. The painful realisation of the little worth of our friendship had a secondary effect to the loss of my treasure, the loss of part of me.

In 2018, by blessing I reconnected with my pen friend Strong via social media. He took photos of the poems I sent along in letters to him. That’s how I managed to reunite with my teenage self through those poetry.

Trusting someone who are not trust worthy is a lesson for me to learn.

This short piece has been stewing in my mind for a while. I wanted to be a meaningful piece so I procrastinated. Now I wrote it, it is like a weight off my shoulders. I didn’t realise it bothered me so much. Now this is history, done and dusted.

Here are the English translation for the preserved early pieces:

Mirage

Wishful

The Appointment

Pondering

Unsettled

Fragile

Perilous

Sweater

 

 

Beyond Comprehension

A translation of Jun’s poem “未参尽的缘”

 

She is my past, present and future.
She is the incomprehensible fate of my life and death.
She is my beloved book, read and reread.
She is my root, let love grow deep into the ground.
She is my play pet in virtual world, my queen in reality.
Eventually,
I will turn to dust,
disappearing into the sea of her eyes,
grain by grain,
never give up existing.

 

未参尽的缘

她是我的曾经 今世与将来
她是我生与死未參尽的缘
她是我的一本书,掩卷后可再阅
她是我的根,让爱扎进大地
她是我虚拟世界的玩宠又是现实的女神
我终将变成尘埃,
一粒一粒迷进她的眼海,
终将不放松地存在

Suicide Note

I never know if there is a next life. If there is one, will I meet you again? To be honest, I prefer this is the end. Because no matter how sweet our love is, there will be more bile. I am incapable to be a knight to keep fighting for us. So, I choose to be a deserter.

I don’t know how much time do I have to live. I don’t know how long I will go on loving you. I still love how you appear in my mind. I still love your sound especially the way you speak. I even miss your once angry voice. But you are so calm and peaceful these days. And I too, love the content you.

I am willing to be an infatuated man loving you in humble distance. Perhaps for you, I am a masochist, a lower rib, a self fulfilled devastation. There is no time table for our love. Yet, I am counting down the days. I am giving all I can while you know I am a hypocrite.

I am glad that I don’t look forward to the next life. I am satisfied to surrender to a woman like you, a love like us. There are not enough next lives to match this passion, this madness and this loyalty in its totality. I have enough material to write love poetry to make up for the missing kisses and passionate nights.

I walk to the end of my life with worn out shoes in the company of your divine shadow and angelic sound.

 

不知道是否有下辈子,更不知道下辈子还会否遇见你,真好我不想有下辈子了,即使更多甜蜜,我怕更多苦涩,沒法做一个英勇的斗士,我选择做了强硬的逃兵。

不管今世还有多长,不管我还能深恋多久,我还是喜欢你一直在我脑海里的样子,一直喜欢你的声音,喜欢被你说教,可惜你不再凶了,你过于平静平淡,但我依旧在喜欢,我在做一个蠢男人,我把自己惨成渣了,再也不是花,我可以更卑微地遥望你,我可以就做一个下里巴人,一个傻球,我数着倒计时着哪天结束这段爱程,时间表沒有列出,我依旧信心满满给予所能给予的,不管是否虚伪?

真好我不会投胎下辈子了,这辈子投降了一个女人,这辈子投降了一段痴情,再有多少可能,再有多少辈子,我也终将遇不到,对她的痴心痴情痴癫,我够了,没够吻,没够性,够了爱,已足够可以写诗写文。

踏破铁鞋无觅处,佳音丽影伴一生。

Love in Silence

A translation of Jun’s poem 默爱 (Love in Silence)

When you try to make a name
as a painter
I become the sponsor
of your exhibition

When you write your heart out
as a poet
I am your publisher

When you are an author
written books no one reads
I learn to be a collector

默爱

当你是一个无名的画家,
你特想办一个画展,
我就成为一个赞助者。

当你是一个诗人,
你特想出一本诗集,
我就成为一个出版商。

当你是一个作家,
写的书无人看,
我就是一个收藏家。

Love goes on

This is an interpretation of Jun’s poem which was written in chinese.

雪后即天晴
冷过春会来
爱思念循环
情绵又一季

Blue sky peeps through the snow
Spring bursts forth the cold days
Love cycles amidst the lonely nights
We survive another season of separation

无尽之爱 Endless love

This is a poem I collaborate with Jun

昨夜
曲终人散尽
空余舞影梦现
舞台再出灵动佳眷
长袖翩翩
抛彩戚怨
今晨
余香袅未尽
佳人如影展幻
书屋香薰懵君自迷
睡袍污垢
缓延起安
明月
晨星连环
侬情我愿白首见
缘无尽
拥牵依恋
无悔近黄昏

last night
you appeared in my dreams
fluttering your wings
in an empty room
devoid of music

this morning
I woke up
with the trail of the incense
burning in my studies
mistaken to be
your sensual perfume
my stained bathrobe
weighted me down
with the dread of
a new day

I keep watching
the moon courting the stars
till dawn
a reality of my life
till I will see you again
when I am old and grey
you know my love
this endless reminiscence
I shall satisfy
till the last of
my breath