Apology Unaccepted

Today I receive
an apology
from her
for not being able
to put herself together
after many falls

I don’t understand
why does she even apologise
for things
are no fault of her own

She insists
that wasting my time
is an offence
even there seems to
be valid reasons

I can’t help
but think
she is an inspiration
for the fact that
she takes responsibility
respects my time
and still hopes
to put herself
back together
again
and again
and again

Author: Cassa Bassa

🇦🇺🇨🇳 inquisitive, observant, witty, a thinker, was a misfit child 😊 View all posts by Cassa Bassa

13 thoughts on “Apology Unaccepted”

I find myself very curious about what this might be about my friend. It sounds sad. Like a person who doesn’t know their weakness or accept it. Very thought provoking. ❤️🤗

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Cassa Bassa says:

Mar 30, 2022 at 12:42 pm

The background of this: a client of mine failed to attend an agreed appointment, the reasons are valid as she is trying to get her health and life back on track so she couldn’t hornor our agreement (From a victim to survivor to victory phase. ) I only have respect for her.

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1. 𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑵 🪐 says:
  
  Mar 30, 2022 at 4:22 pm
  
  I totally get this, actually. I recently had to do the same with a Stepping Forward appointment. Or actually (I think) I somehow slept through the world’s best alarm due to being exhausted from OCD. Anyways feeling like you are wasting the time of someone who is a lifeline to you, when such helpful people are bloody rare, can be a catastrophic/scary feeling especially when already struggling/anxious. You fear losing that support (based on previous experiences of conditional support or loyalty). It is probably a symptom of chronic lack of community in general in this capitalistic world.
  
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2. Cassa Bassa says:
  
  Mar 30, 2022 at 4:26 pm
  
  That’s what I thought too. It must have been quite stressful for her. She keeps fighting even hills of roadblocks that she is facing.
  
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This makes me think of my mother who always apologies for everything as if she has some divine control over the universe. It actually becomes hard to be around, all her sorries. For when you apologize for things you didn’t do, the weight and importance of those apologies becomes so diluted the real apologies hold no power anymore.

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Cassa Bassa says:

Mar 30, 2022 at 12:50 pm

I agree Bridgette, sorry is meaningless, sorry for something specific and follow with behaviour change is important for reconciliation and healing.

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𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑵 🪐 says:

Mar 30, 2022 at 4:15 pm

That sounds like an obsessive compulsion, actually, triggered by existential/catastrophic thoughts.

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It might be. She was very abused as a child. I think it’s her way of avoiding conflict, but it makes her into a sort of door mat/martyr in every situation. I’ve watched it my entire life with the hope she’ll get therapy or perhaps some self-awareness, but she’s in her 60s and I really don’t see that happening.

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Cassa Bassa says:

Mar 31, 2022 at 6:59 am

Sometimes we can only meet people at where they are at. It’s their journey to walk and we are better to stroll along to talk about the weather. I feel for you that you see the root cause but not be able to do the change and healing for her. Love hurts. Hang in there.

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1. Bridgette says:
  
  Mar 31, 2022 at 2:33 pm
  
  Thank you so much 🥰
  
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