A 365 day dream

I had two dreams
never thought they would come true
for I did not know one led to another

I had lived in a slumber for so long
never knew I held the key to these dreams
so I was stuck on the detour to nowhere

I was dying of exhaustion
desperately seeking a spring
to continue on the winding road

at the beginning of the 365 day journey
everyday life aroused no emotions in me
all I could manage was
to do the only thing that would
bring me relief to this numbness
I poured out my daydreams on paper

I am halfway to the end of the 365 day journey
the tingling in my brain
the restless finger tapping
the nourishment from the spring
living my dreams day and night

at the end of the 365 day milestone
skipping down the dream pathway
the key around my neck
to the sunlit conscious tomorrows

7 Years

House is sold at the fall of the hammer
I secretly wish I would experience
a rush of sadness for losing a home

I PET scanned my brain hoping to detect
any remembrance more than an empty shell
with forced smiles

all the eggshells I have walked on
turned into ashes scattering in the garden
feeding the bird of paradise

7 Christmases of opening gifts of unimportance
7 Easters of egg hunt for children’s laughter
7 years of prayer and supplication

House is sold at the fall of the hammer
a weight has fallen off my shoulder
the crown stripped off the prince’s head

There is such thing

 

You made me from your visions and dreams
before you knew me
I was only an optical illusion

I came like a dandelion
rootless and forever wandering
home was never a destination

Then we laid eyes on each other
my fragmentation jigsawed into your reality
your brokenness assembled into my habitation

When the music starts
let’s waltz away to
our life
our home
in absolute
abandonment

Must be done



today I received your heart
across the ocean
it clicked with my half
to fill the void
I feel whole again

and yet
this return took all away from
your empty shell
left soulless
dragging along the mundane

a sacrifice you made
so the last bit of remain
has to die
before newness
bears fruit

Longing

we are walking cripple to search one another
you cup your heart in your palms
I draw a curtain to my void
your core sings out to mine
I peep through the drape

I feel the tingling on my lips on a sleepless night
your burning words restrain stirring my soul to restlessness
let the cool pale moonlight tame the hunger
let the waves staggering to ease the longing

I sleep with my right hand holding my left
my hands become yours
I wake up with your warmth lingering my breath
what better way to greet a new day My Love

if you hear me
shhhhh
keep dreaming


Q&A

Would you like to tell me about yourself in 3 words?

I love people.

What brought you to Australia?

My allergy to China, I took the first available escape opportunity and it turned out to be a great blessing.

What was your childhood like and what was the fondest memory?

I was well loved and raised by a village, a lonely child though, enjoyed watching the world and people go about their lives.

Laying in bed next to my great grandmother and listening to her sharing stories of her life.

How is your logic vs creativity?

I was only ever good at Chinese literature and English subjects at school. Did I even answer your question?

At what point you decided to write?

I started writing again when I was floating in life and feeling I was ok to die then and there with no regret. For some people it may sound I was content and lived a satisfying life. To me though, that was like I had nothing to look forward to in life. I didn’t even have a bucket list, not for the reason I had done it all. It was for the exact opposite reason which was I had nothing kept me living on.

In a strange way, I came to the end of myself then something reminded me of my writer dream. I started to follow my dream and I became alive again.

Who are your muses?

I love people. My friends, family, colleagues, clients, characters from books or movies are my constant source of inspiration. And my significant others too, be current or history.

What do you consider your greatest achievement and failure so far?

Em… I cannot see either without lying.

What is your plan for your writing future?

I have none. I just write to keep myself alive. I do have a writing mentor which is a dear friend of mine. He has been encouraging me for years to pursuit excellence. He saw me living a self fulfilling prophecy life. I was determined to be invisible and a second best. I had lived that life for a long time and it finally killed me.

My mentor has been giving me different writing tasks to challenge myself, to not allowing myself to be comfortable. He said I have this reaction when confronted by a difficult task, I bang my head on the table. He would tell me that is exactly I need to do and that is the exact thing I am good at but dreading to do. He is my mentor for a good reason. I am not super intelligent but I am smart enough to follow his advice.

Why do you want to post this Q&A?

I have people asked me similar questions. But for most I would like to be heard and understood.