Apology Unaccepted

Today I receive
an apology
from her
for not being able
to put herself together
after many falls

I don’t understand
why does she even apologise
for things
are no fault of her own

She insists
that wasting my time
is an offence
even there seems to
be valid reasons

I can’t help
but think
she is an inspiration
for the fact that
she takes responsibility
respects my time
and still hopes
to put herself
back together
and again
and again


I have been enjoying jigsaw puzzle again. This is one of the jigsaw puzzles I completed recently. From the experience, this poem was created.

It was beautifully whole
A sudden storm broke it into pieces
I could only make out the outline
While the foundation was crushed

Tracking the fragments by their edgy shapes
my unskilled hands perform no miracles
The only hope in restoration lies in time only
It is the time I invest in patiently
which bonds the shattered reality
and make it whole again

And now the beauty is in
both the holder and the beholder


She begs the sun to bleach her brain
Too many diseases, disorders
Too much hatred and grief
She endures with them

Their trauma cuts into her green aura
Slices her past open through the bolted door
Rusty locks and cracked timber

She feels cold feet on dirty soil
The dampness of moss infested walls 
The mind torturing plop of the dripping tap
How her porcelain face longs for the gentle sun

Her world is split into two
She is the bridge, the hand 
to carry them from then to now
she resists the grip of the past
"Hold on to the warm sun" she whispers

Before her eyes
The dark shadows, dim cellar, cold winter 
fading and peeling off like chalk drawings

She begs the sun to bleach her brain
laying golden shimmers on canvas
filled with light and warmth

Blue Knot

He often looks up the calming blue sky
That’s the clarity he holds on to
combating the tangled emotions he lives with

He has been him for so long
and he has been fighting this complex battle ever since
He cannot comprehend it all
not now or not ever
Some past is best left undiscovered
and some history is best unknown

He loves the blue sky as his earliest memory
He remembers looking up from the darkness and he saw the same clear blue sky

Writer’s note about Blue Knot
Knot – adults survived child trauma and abuse often experience complex trauma resembles a knot
Blue – the colour of the sky resembles hope

The Blue Knot Foundation Australia resources and services

Ten Minutes Sun and Letting God

She walked along the strip in front of her apartment
back and forth, back and forth slowly
with a tender back
It’s worth it
and all she could manage
ten minutes in the sun
in the middle of Winter

There was no work to go to
no appointment to attend
no fund to go out
Everything in life at that point
was out of her control
She had never learned to be doing nothing
up until that Winter

It was a humbling experience indeed
There was no help from anyone
when everyone else was experiencing more or less the same thing:
jobless and soon to be homeless

Now she is sitting in the garden of a women’s refugee
ten minutes in the sun
in the beginning of Summer
and she manages a few thanksgiving and prayer
She happily handed all control to the Boss upstairs
after she realised through all that
she was kept warm, well fed and the sun has been shining

The Hope Reminder

He carried two rocks in his pocket.
It started as an anxiety alleviator.
There was something about
these minerals clanking together.
Their excruciating fiction in time
grew into soothing melody.

He keeps carrying these two
now edgeless rocks
hoping his turbulent marriage
will soon be harmonious canoeing
after such long-haul conflict.
These two rocks are his hope reminder.

Fast Forward Button for Failure

I don’t understand
Why we can be so stuck
In our failures
Unable to let them go
Refuse to let them hinder
Our present
And beyond

I imagine
The purpose of
Over drinking
Is to numb the pain
The humiliation
So we don’t feel
So we still have hope
Then why
Go back to lick up
The putrid vomit
To experience
the unwanted pain

We are complicated
As humans
Beyond our logical mind
Undeniably insane
We are