Free Will

I look at lack
I look at abundance
My eyes fixate on lack
My heart ignores abundance
Lack brings its minions
My life is filled with dread

I am roaming amidst the crowd
with tall walls built around me
brick by brick from birth
I am invisible, miserable and unlovable
Living hell is the feeling of isolation
when surrounded by people

I pray to an unseen God
and wonder why He never responds
I guess
I chose not to see His existence
by my own free will
Or
I am testing Him to see
if He is who He says He is
Will He pursuit a lost sheep relentlessly
Will He kick down the walls to save me

Strength

I appreciate the strength of the ocean.
His waves are gentle and healing.

I adore the strength of the wind.
He lands on my cheeks softly
like a lover’s kiss.

I admire the strength of the sun.
He embraces me in total warmth and safety.

I exalt the strength of my God.
His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

I can’t, He can

I have learned not to look too far ahead.
Because tomorrow is an illusion
while today is a pandora yet to be opened.
I cannot afford to waste my breaths on
fearing the mountains ahead.
Because I must fix my gaze on the unseen force that moves the mountain.
I have realised how much strength I lack.
And yet for the last however long
I am still plowing ahead with strength that I never have.
So, let go and let God!
He alone can indeed carry me to the end.