Little Girl in A Big City

The tired city is as exhausting as the social media feed. It loses its stimulus power to empower to be impulsive. The anxious feeling holds her in a spinning fidget. Everywhere her sight is exposed to sending a chilling spasm to her core.

Who would think under the city limelight, there are souls feeling so drained and distained. She wonders if she is trapped in a mortal body with a timeless soul. Layers and folds of wrinkled psyche are unable to stay afloat.

There is no mirror on the wall to tell her future, neither a fantasy bubble floating in the suffocating air to give a glimpse of hope. She can only pick her scars to remind herself that she was once alive and lived. Pain used to be her lover, who now has long gone. Numbness invaded her every cell. She wonders if she will be the sole witness of her own diminishing. Will the sleeping world even notice if the stars blink out one by one?

Irrational

when the sea breeze
blows through the curtain
and bekons me to be awake

I refuse to meet
its face to concur that
the sun is yet to set

it brings me
no new hopes
as it has been
for decades

my monologue to the void
through the land breeze
only makes its way to you
at nightfall

this is
the natural phenomena
I cannot transgress
then why am I still
endeavoring to reach you

張愛玲 《半生緣》