#believe4Sally

Its ‘believe for Sally’ Day! Sally is a local hero and a young mother who is fighting late stage of cancer.

I didn’t have tattoos nor piercings. I didn’t believe punching holes in my body, period.

Many years ago, Sally’s sister Rachel and I went to the same church and we love Jesus.

A month ago, an Instagram post struck my eye. It’s an invitation to the Inked Fish Salon to have ‘believe’ tattooed to support Sally.

I am not a person who makes hasty decisions for things with permanency. After a week’s contemplation, I decided to participate ‘believe for Sally’.

I lost people whom I love to cancer is not a piece of news. It happened, happening and will continue to happen. The word ‘believe’ for me, it is beyond believing for miracle healing of cancer, it is believing that we are not allowing cancer to rob us of joy in this life.

When I was 18, my cousin 思丹 was 13. She was a happy, simple and beautiful village girl. We lost her to leukemia shortly after she turned 14.

I clearly remembered that last time I visited her in the hospital. 思丹 loved mangos. I took her a juicy and meaty mango when I visited her. She was as pale as a porcelain doll. They stopped all treatment already. We took turns to brush her forearms, the only thing she found pleasurable in her last days.

I offered her the mango. I saw her eyelashes fluttering like the butterfly emerging from the cocoon. Then she curved her fingers signalling welcome to my offer. I was about to stand up to cut up the mango for 思丹. My uncle rushed off his seat and stopped me doing that. He told me mango is not good for her daughter’s diet. I was a compliant person. I honoured my uncle’s request. So 思丹 died 2 days after deprived from her favourite fruit.

By the village’s tradition, it is a taboo to bury a young person along the ancestors in the family graveyard. So 思丹 was buried somewhere in the forest. To me, that somewhere is a wasteland of nowhere.

I had been angry at myself for a long time, for not fighting for 思丹’s last pleasure of tasting a mango, for not being able to stand up to my uncle’s authority. More over, I hated the fear cancer instilled in my love ones’ hearts. It robbed them blind of simple pleasure and joy in life.

#believe4Sally and beyond, it is my pledge to believe miracle healing and be joyful in tribulations.

“Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfast in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)

Aura

( Image from buildingbeautifulsouls.com )

It has been a while

her locks are golden brown

before that

were honey amber and chestnut.

Today

I saw her in the mirror

contemplating her glory.

Will I defeat the fear of goth

crown her dark silky velvet?

It has been a while

She is green, indigo and violet,

before that

was yellow and red.

Labyrinth Walk

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http://www.pch.org.au/

I brought a branch of rosemary in my pocket at the entrance of the walk.
“God, I come bare, and ask you to show me what you have for me. I am not clear of my agenda, let it be your agenda today when I take this walk. Amen”
As I started walking the labyrinth, the truck started driving away, the noise subsided and I could hear the birds chirping, a few species. I thought of Tim as he loved birds.
There is an insect landed on my notebook, sitting there quietly will not move. It seemed to be at peace.
I then heard a dog barking, tree leaves caressing in the wind.
I occasionally fixed the rocks on the path, not obsessively, but did as I please.
Another dog started to bark, not as loud. There was a chainsaw in action in remote distance.
Birds were flapping their wings.
I could see the sun light created shades on the trees. There were yellow leaves bursting with autumn red.
The sound and the look of the trees seemed to always draw my attention.
“Father, I’m writing this journey. Is it that you would like me to write my life journey?”
The insect flew away at that point.
“Where do I start?”
Start from the trees. At that point the sound of the trees stopped as the wind quieted down.
I really was meant to be writing. In English? The trees started to sound again dancing in the wind.
There are moss around some part of the rocks. Mossy green, ha, that’s the colour of course.
The tightness of my chest started to loosen up. I could take deeper breaths. I didn’t realise my breath was shallow before.
I bumped into half of a cobweb. I turned around did not ‘destroy’ it.
I stopped to sniff the rosemary branch. I heard people cheering on the sports ground nearby (I saw it before I arrived here).
The birds stopped, only 1 or 2 still singing, oh more actually joined in, just in the distance perhaps I could not hear before. I could also hear traffic now.
“God, your will be done.”
I arrived at the centre of the Labyrinth.
“God, what do you want me to learn here?”
“Your broken heart.”
My understanding is the broken heart of young love.
I put the rosemary branch down. I had a deep sniff before I put it down.
“God, what do I take when I walk out the labyrinth?”
I felt sad. So I stayed in the centre didn’t feel it’s time to go.
“Can I leave my sadness behind, leave it with you?”
“Yes, you can my child.”
I was feeling life long unfulfilled dreams – love and writing.
“God, I leave these dreams in your altar, in your hands.”
My stomach was feeling blocked.
“Father, help me.”
“My child, all your worries, all your anxiety, all your unfulfilled dreams I know. I created you, every bit of you.”
“Thank you Father that you know me.”
“That’s alright my dear child. Everything will be okay. Go on your way child, everything will be okay.”
“Really?”
“Start walking, trust Me.”
I still was sitting not wanting to go. Then He reminded me of how my back was healed but I dared not believe as I was fear of disappointment.
“I will not disappoint you my child. Have faith in Me.”
I got up and walked out of the labyrinth. I was determined to walk out in one stretch without stopping. I breathed out stress, anxiety, sadness. I walked out without fixing any rocks. I just wanted to get out and enjoy what You have promised.
“Everything will be alright.”
The stuff moved from my stomach to my chest, to my throat, then I felt light headache. I just wanted to get rid of it before I finish the walk. I started to pray for the remaining of the journey.
I burbed and the stuff came out. At the exit of the labyrinth, I faced the centre and gave thanks to Him.
I stood there, closed my eyes, being with the sound – birds and trees.