I once was
someone’s love of my life
I once was
someone’s destiny
I once was
someone’s forever home
I once was
someone’s secret life
I once was
someone’s dull ache
I once was
someone’s lousy lover
I once was
real, imaginary or fictional
In the end
I was nothing to them
but a past tense
She begs the sun to bleach her brain Too many diseases, disorders Too much hatred and grief She endures with them Their trauma cuts into her green aura Slices her past open through the bolted door Rusty locks and cracked timber She feels cold feet on dirty soil The dampness of moss infested walls The mind torturing plop of the dripping tap How her porcelain face longs for the gentle sun Her world is split into two She is the bridge, the hand to carry them from then to now she resists the grip of the past "Hold on to the warm sun" she whispers Before her eyes The dark shadows, dim cellar, cold winter fading and peeling off like chalk drawings She begs the sun to bleach her brain laying golden shimmers on canvas filled with light and warmth
I don’t understand
Why we can be so stuck
In our failures
Unable to let them go
Refuse to let them hinder
Our present
And beyond
I imagine
The purpose of
Over drinking
Is to numb the pain
The humiliation
So we don’t feel
So we still have hope
Then why
Go back to lick up
The putrid vomit
To experience
the unwanted pain
We are complicated
Contradictory
As humans
Sometimes
Beyond our logical mind
Undeniably insane
We are
don’t pack
another person’s life
into your suitcase
just
walk away
with
the most valuable will
to survive
the shell you lived in
was long decayed
with warm toned furniture
fluffy rugs
and distant smiles in
old photographs
don’t think about tomorrow
what you will need
tomorrow takes care of itself
take hold of today
for
you have lived on
after
the unattended emotions
the isolation from life
the false hatred of yourself
walk away
you walk away
from ruin
to
a new vista
time passed
memory faded
we met
we played
we dated
we parted
never fought
never clashed
never debated
never communicated
no sad goodbyes
no turning back
no once more
no foever ever
time passes
memory blurs
we sat across the bench in the park
you passed me a letter written in sarlet ink
I was too afraid to read the taboo for breakup
it started to rain
the smudge of blood trickled down
marking a curse and a dead past
it was a slow death of bleeding out
youth, hope and dying wishes
Flicker of Thoughts 