I don’t love like I once loved
Without fear, without reservation
I run fast these days
From everything
Call me a coward
I accept
I am sorry
For making the unspeakable decision
To watch you drown
So I stay afloat
Tag: emotion
The Beautiful Sad Artist
She is
very beautiful
very talented
and very sad
She said
the sadness
gave her inspiration
to create
something beautiful
She made peace
with herself
through art
Humiliation
She receives everyone’s pity
like holding out her hands
to collect the winter rain
Worthlessness saturates her being
sending chills to her bones
Behind Closed Doors
Say all the words
you need
to keep us tied
Silence is
a pair of
scissors
Tangle me
with your love
to keep
the door
ajar
Hatred is
a knot
blackens
the light
Gaslighting
Hey, I want to talk with you about something.
Ok, am I in trouble?
No. Just something I am feeling and going through lately.
Alright. You want a hug or something?
I am ok for now. I feel you don’t show me you love me like you used to.
What do you mean? You are the most important person in my life.
I’ll give you some examples…(examples given)
What do you mean? You know I love you! That goes without saying.
It’s not what you said or not said. It’s your action, lack of action for a better word. I feel unloved. And I can’t work out why I know you love me but I don’t feel you love me. There’s this big descrepency.
What? You wanna be rid of me? It sounds like you are picking on me.
I want us to discuss and work through this because I love you and I want us to work out.
All I know is that you are finding fault with me. I love you. I just love you. I can’t believe that you question that.
I am not questioning. I am sharing with you how I feel. (It’s about me, not you.)
I am upset that you accused me of not acting like I love you. I think about you 24/7. Everything I do, I do for us, for our future. I can’t believe that you questioned me.
(sobbing inside)…I don’t know. That wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to talk with you like adults without damaging our relationship.
There is not much to talk about. You either love me or not. I love you and that’s a fact.
I know you love me. But that’s not what I was confused about.
What are you confusing about then? I am not rich enough to send you flowers? I am not a successful man whom you are proud of? I am not a weak man who is afraid to stand up to you?
(Tears rolling down cheeks)…I don’t know. I don’t feel very well right now. I gotta go…
Pain
How come you see my pain?
Am I that obvious?
I live with pain for so long.
I recognise it like a kindred spirit.
How come you don’t show it?
You look happy.
I am happy.
I found a way to keep my pain at bay.
How come I don’t see what you see?
Perhaps you are blinded by anger.
Pain does that to us.
Silence
Movie
some memory is like
a movie that
we don’t want it
to end
so we just let it play
to one third
not to drift into sleep
but rather
holding our desire
to the next
and the next
never ending
Love is…
Sitting in an a cappella concert
listening to love songs sung from
heartache to joy
despair to victory
hopelessness to strength
I realised love is
such an extreme emotion
that makes us
shiver, quiver
flutter, shudder
like
groosebumps on our skin
earthquake under our feet
No wonder
it takes
eruption of volcanoes
explosion of fireworks
to express
the sensation of love
in climax
Deep down
she shouted to the receptionist
threatened to hack us all in pieces
she screamed those words out
in a foreign tongue
her neck flushed with red patches
her hair had gone messy
her eyes were fueled with fire
in our shared language
I tried to de-escalate her rage by
offering her a cool drink
while clearly expressed to her
the options of
the police or the mental health team
if she was unable to cease screaming
she sat down
showed me photos of a hole
in her ceiling
and the water marks
resembling the world map
she told me
for six years
she have lived with ceiling leakage
for nine months
she haved stared at the hole
in the ceiling every night
she wept
for her man left her
the hole in the ceiling
is a constant reminder of
how her heart was broken
and it seems beyond repair
she is a tenant
complaining about
a repair and maintenance issue
she is a woman
suffering great despair
what is on the surface
is just the tip of
the iceberg
Flicker of Thoughts 