Letter to self

5 year old Cassa
quiet and reserved
keep singing in the shower
nobody needs to know

13 year old Cassa
still an ugly duck
keep wearing boy’s uniforms
nobody gives a fuck

18 year old Cassa
boys are gross
books smell much better
write your raw heart out
spill it on pages
who cares if
they never ever get read

21 year old Cassa
good on you
pack your bag
go as far as you can
chase a place called home
for your unsettled heart

30 year old Cassa
I know you are tired
sitting with your feelings
is never comfortable
if you don’t
they will be burried further
and the scars become deeper
it will take longer to heal

40 year old Cassa
you are exhausted
aren’t you love
there is a way out
you know love
you just need to
take the first step
then the rest follows

50 year old Cassa
you are laughing at yourself
always taking things so seriously
remember the 5 year old you
sang in the shower
when you first found your voice
keep that childlike free spirit
and innocence
life is funny, laughable
and joyous

60 year old Cassa
slow down
no one is watching
and competing with your vigour
the kids understand
that you can’t catch up
with the grandkids
and he is even slower than you
so relax Cassa

70 year old Cassa
by all means
glue to him
just like when you first met
be the couch potatoes together
let him rub your feet
give all your best
in a killer blow job
cos any day
could be your last
why not live in climax
everyday

When nothings become extraordinary

( photo from Outlander by Nikki Pierce )

two fallen leaves
floating along the main stream
no care no longing
just drifting

tangle and ride the current together
they make it to land
where they compost and regenerate again
in new season

companion growth
french lavender
ornamental kale
bouquet of happiness