It was at grandad’s wake, new faces I saw. I didn’t remember or know all those people in my family. I could tell that we were related by their strong jawlines and pear-shaped body.

There was a lot of chatter and whisper going around in the room, mostly about who would inherit what, and a little bit gossip about the affair between aunty Joan and uncle Peter.

I moved my wheelchair through them quietly, and the sympathy look they gave me made me feel uncomfortable. The accident was over a decade ago when I was three. It’s not as if I knew a better way to live. I was quite comfortable in my skin and a happy person.

I removed myself from the crowd and tended to the orchids grandpa loved. We used to go around the nursery to appreciate their beauty, trim dead leaves and spray mist to keep the humidity up. I knew I would always find grandpa here even his body was laying cold in the wooden box.

Grandpa told me lots stories about his past as well as his plans for the future after he turned his toes. I knew for a fact that everybody out there in the room would hate me. As much as I wanted to live on the sidelines for the rest of my life in this family, just like the past eighteen years. But I knew it wasn’t going to be possible. The truth was going to come out when they realised there was no inheritance that would go to any of them.

Over the years, grandpa and I gradually moved all his wealth to the National Trust as a silent donor, except this mansion, all its expenses for maintainance, current staff and other outgoings, and medical treatment and substantial amount of cash would come to me. Grandpa made sure I would always have my home where he promised to visit from time to time. I was content because I would always have a home where grandpa’s love echoed within these four walls.

I could hear “Time to Say Goodbye” playing and I guessed everyone in the family was in the main hall for grandpa’s funeral. A butterfly landed on the prayer plant in front of me which made me smile. It’s a sure confirmation that grandpa was absolutely not in that coffin, instead, he was here with me.

Before Sunrise

Long Reef lookout, Sydney, Australia

I watch these two
before Sunrise

Knowing my father
values my son’s company
more than the glorious sun
He is an old man
seen many sunrises

My son
for the first time
experiences the magnificence
of a new day
with his favourite person

I love watching sunrise
But my eyes
cannot move pass
the love between them
They are worth
missing the sunrise for

A Cold Christmas Day Down Under

Christmas, to me
is our big brother’s birthday
never about plastic trees
bling bling lights
or boxed presents
until this Christmas
in a land far away
you and you and you
are my love ones
I cannot smell the Christmas ham you cook
you cannot hear the carols I play

It saddens me
not to see the excitement of opening presents
not to see the Christmas tree twinkles
not to have a family meal with over sized
of everything being served
without you and you and you
I feel a little cold even
in the southern hemisphere
on Christmas Day

Our tree Cameron – The Green Collection

Cameron has been witnessing
generations of
love and betrayal
joy and violence
secrets and parades
on this family farm

Cameron has been through
all these moments
with our ancestors
Cameron does not shy away
I bet
Cameron is not going to

Cameron has been
providing us with
a safe place for
our first kiss
our first heartbreak
our first family picnic
our first fued
our first wedding
our first unfaithfulness
our first birthday
our first burial

Cameron stays with
all of us
as long as
the sun shines
the rain waters
the wind dances
the snow crowns

I often think
will I still see Cameron
from heavens above

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