The blues landed on me today
Even the sky is shedding tears
Sadness trapped inside me
Exhaling in vain
Where are you hiding, my cheery clouds?
I lost you in my dreams last night,
neither could I see you now.
The beginning of my melancholy days…
she collects your tears
washes away the blues
she sings you lullaby
sends sweetness to your dreams
she gives you rest
mends your broken heart
I know God is faithful and yet I still doubt.
Jacaranda blooms in spring gloriously on this patch of the earth.
In late Springs, I enjoy strolling down the street where they are all lining up and yearning each other. Romantic poems written about the magnificent jacaranda.
Yet, my inclination to jacaranda is God comes through by illustration of its splendour Spring after Spring overcame the nakedness in Winters.
“Consider the lilies, how they grow: they toil not, neither do they spin.”
God IS Faithful!
There you stood
I had wandered for a long time
finally I came back
There you are
standing tall and strong
riches in springs
sheltering in summers
splendid in autumns
withered in winters
watching over me
When I fix my gaze to you
I finally found
the centre of my world
When I was listening to Kazu singing ‘Miss you so much’, tears trickling down my cheeks. It reminded me of the heartache of young love.
Kazu reminds me of the sweet love I could have had in my youth. The raw wanting of each other and smitten with one another.
When I was in my early twenties I was so confused and suffered from such low self esteem regardless how attractive I was (according to friends). I was awkward and shy with a tendency to run from love. Although I had a group of friends (mostly boys) to hang out with, I was lonely and so alone inside in particular when surrounded by friends.
I was looking at me, the early twenties self, when I was listening to the song. I walked through the memory lane, wrapped my arms around Kazu’s neck, tippy toes to reach for a kiss…
This short poem was originally written in Chinese. I translated into English and hoping did not lose its original flavour.
My freedom is deep in the ocean
no disturbance to your world
I sing by
breathing out bubbles
Immersing in navy
without the blues
In such dim darkness
I saw light
I brought a branch of rosemary in my pocket at the entrance of the walk.
“God, I come bare, and ask you to show me what you have for me. I am not clear of my agenda, let it be your agenda today when I take this walk. Amen”
As I started walking the labyrinth, the truck started driving away, the noise subsided and I could hear the birds chirping, a few species. I thought of Tim as he loved birds.
There is an insect landed on my notebook, sitting there quietly will not move. It seemed to be at peace.
I then heard a dog barking, tree leaves caressing in the wind.
I occasionally fixed the rocks on the path, not obsessively, but did as I please.
Another dog started to bark, not as loud. There was a chainsaw in action in remote distance.
Birds were flapping their wings.
I could see the sun light created shades on the trees. There were yellow leaves bursting with autumn red.
The sound and the look of the trees seemed to always draw my attention.
“Father, I’m writing this journey. Is it that you would like me to write my life journey?”
The insect flew away at that point.
“Where do I start?”
Start from the trees. At that point the sound of the trees stopped as the wind quieted down.
I really was meant to be writing. In English? The trees started to sound again dancing in the wind.
There are moss around some part of the rocks. Mossy green, ha, that’s the colour of course.
The tightness of my chest started to loosen up. I could take deeper breaths. I didn’t realise my breath was shallow before.
I bumped into half of a cobweb. I turned around did not ‘destroy’ it.
I stopped to sniff the rosemary branch. I heard people cheering on the sports ground nearby (I saw it before I arrived here).
The birds stopped, only 1 or 2 still singing, oh more actually joined in, just in the distance perhaps I could not hear before. I could also hear traffic now.
“God, your will be done.”
I arrived at the centre of the Labyrinth.
“God, what do you want me to learn here?”
“Your broken heart.”
My understanding is the broken heart of young love.
I put the rosemary branch down. I had a deep sniff before I put it down.
“God, what do I take when I walk out the labyrinth?”
I felt sad. So I stayed in the centre didn’t feel it’s time to go.
“Can I leave my sadness behind, leave it with you?”
“Yes, you can my child.”
I was feeling life long unfulfilled dreams – love and writing.
“God, I leave these dreams in your altar, in your hands.”
My stomach was feeling blocked.
“Father, help me.”
“My child, all your worries, all your anxiety, all your unfulfilled dreams I know. I created you, every bit of you.”
“Thank you Father that you know me.”
“That’s alright my dear child. Everything will be okay. Go on your way child, everything will be okay.”
“Start walking, trust Me.”
I still was sitting not wanting to go. Then He reminded me of how my back was healed but I dared not believe as I was fear of disappointment.
“I will not disappoint you my child. Have faith in Me.”
I got up and walked out of the labyrinth. I was determined to walk out in one stretch without stopping. I breathed out stress, anxiety, sadness. I walked out without fixing any rocks. I just wanted to get out and enjoy what You have promised.
“Everything will be alright.”
The stuff moved from my stomach to my chest, to my throat, then I felt light headache. I just wanted to get rid of it before I finish the walk. I started to pray for the remaining of the journey.
I burbed and the stuff came out. At the exit of the labyrinth, I faced the centre and gave thanks to Him.
I stood there, closed my eyes, being with the sound – birds and trees.
“Hope never fails”
Giving is a blessing. Receiving is also a blessing.
In my line of work, I walk alongside people to support them achieve their career goals. It is a satisfying thing to do because I get the opportunity to use my knowledge, skills and natural strengths to bless people come to my path.
In a workshop I deliver regularly, I ask the participants ‘What is your dream job?’. I share with them my dream job is being a writer and living on a farm growing my own vegetables. I shared that in each of the workshop I have delivered.
The moment of inspiration came from a recent workshop I delivered. One of the participants is also one of those special people God put on my path. She is like a blooming rose from day one I met her. Her passion, her cheerful nature, her insight and her determination inspired me. Walking alongside her to see this rose from a rose bud to her glory is something rewarding and appreciated with amazement.
After the workshop. She sent me a lovely email which brought me to tears. She researched a college course that will help me kick off my writing so I will be on my way to achieve my dream as a writer. Her encouraging words moved me to write. I started to write, just putting words on paper. It’s about me go on a journey to fulfill my dream. It is not about others’ approval. I write is because all these emotions, feelings, encounters, moments oozing out of my mind to make sense of the world around me.
That’s how this blog came to existence. It is that simple. I received a blessing from a blooming rose. ” Hope never fails.”