It was your birthday yesterday
We would have popped a bottle of bubbly
To toast to your ageless beauty
And our friendship
I would have gifted you a big bunch of sunflowers
We would have laughed the infectious laughter
And giggled to some lame jokes
Or neither of us remembered the punch line
I miss you
And the days I’ll never have
With you
In my life
Today
The first autumn leaves fell
They remind me
of the warm sun
no more
Because
I scattered your ashes
on the last day of summer
I held on to your arms
Collapsing in the rain
The comfort I should had felt
Met with a cold embrace
I woke up drenched in tears
At 2:44am
The light bulb
of the nightstand
has gone off
She finally
stops counting
how many nights
he hasn’t been
home
She gets up
and dresses
in morning dew
planting her roses
with his ashes
This poem is dedicated to my fellow Instagrammer who survived Covid-19 but lost her mother in India. 🙏
Mama
do you remember
we spent long hours
on talking about my future
choice of men
ways to raise my children
and you would be
by my side
to guide me
to help me
Mama
that became just
fractions of memory
all of the sudden
took me by surprise
in such a violent way
I once was a soaring bird
with wings you gave me
Now
I am faltering
failing
falling so ever low
touching the pit
of my existence
Oh Mama
do you remember
you spent hours
on comforting me
nursing my wounds
restoring my strength
But Mama
when you needed me
I was too weak
to look up
I was too engrossed in
my own battle
I lost sight of you
Mama
forgive me
Go Dog Go Cafe word prompt – negative, erosion, balance
I look at our past
through sepia negatives
what once was a rock
worn down by the rain of fights
erosion of grief
earthquake of rage
faded into nothing more than particles of clay
on an out of balance
stage of life
I no longer wonder
why you work yourself to death
and I seek solace in the bottles
Just when I thought
all these have passed
tears fell
to prove me wrong
I am left
to carry on living
and celebrating milesones
without you here
You have been trapped
in that moment
which was too soon
to say goodbye
I can’t wrap my arms
around a memory
to be comforted
I can’t bid you farewell
knowingly in my heart
you still live, laugh
and cry
We farewelled with a hug
after a lazy beach day
I complained about
your sweaty hot skin on mine
your breath burned my earlobe
I dived straight back in the sea
to cool off
When the police kicked down
your apartment door
you laid on the warm floor tiles
bathed in the hot afternoon sun
The coroner released you
in a numbered bag to the holding room
1-5°C was ideal for you
I stood staring at you
in front of the open casket
You looked cold and distant
took no notice of the flush pink
plastered on your face
All the eulogy givers tried so hard
to warm up the service with dead jokes
to comfort the mouners with inconsolable stories
to celebrate your life with cruel death’s doing
You are now a chill stone
tied around my ankle
sinking me forever into the deep blue
withholding your hot sweat
and burning breaths
the truth that
you have gone
is like
the cold sweat
after a nightmare
it pierces the numbness
to thrust
the cruel reality
upon me
Flicker of Thoughts 