I would never thought to
miss the kookaburra
woke me up at 5am
but I do today
along with other things
like
watching the fish swimming
in the water hyancinth filled
inground pond
reading by the crackling fire
under the shade cloth
the smell of lavender, rosemary,
basil and sage from the garden
Sunday roast
and the laughter
once a family gathering brought
although
they are not the things
made me feel like home
but today
just today
I do miss
them
she shouted to the receptionist
threatened to hack us all in pieces
she screamed those words out
in a foreign tongue
her neck flushed with red patches
her hair had gone messy
her eyes were fueled with fire
in our shared language
I tried to de-escalate her rage by
offering her a cool drink
while clearly expressed to her
the options of
the police or the mental health team
if she was unable to cease screaming
she sat down
showed me photos of a hole
in her ceiling
and the water marks
resembling the world map
she told me
for six years
she have lived with ceiling leakage
for nine months
she haved stared at the hole
in the ceiling every night
she wept
for her man left her
the hole in the ceiling
is a constant reminder of
how her heart was broken
and it seems beyond repair
she is a tenant
complaining about
a repair and maintenance issue
she is a woman
suffering great despair
what is on the surface
is just the tip of
the iceberg
when the sea breeze
blows through the curtain
and bekons me to be awake
I refuse to meet
its face to concur that
the sun is yet to set
it brings me
no new hopes
as it has been
for decades
my monologue to the void
through the land breeze
only makes its way to you
at nightfall
this is
the natural phenomena
I cannot transgress
then why am I still
endeavoring to reach you
張愛玲 《半生緣》
overcame being a perfectionist
was not necessarily easy
don’t raise your hand to
give answers if
you are not 120% sure
don’t comment on beauty if
you are not
drop dead gorgeous yourself
don’t write
in a foreign language if
you make grammar or
spelling mistakes
don’t dream if
you cannot make your
dreams come true
don’t even smile if
you are not perfect
don’t think about rejoycing if
you haven’t achieved
120% perfection
and please don’t laugh
and then tear up
because this
touches you
You are like a breeze that
eases the turmoil
from
burning hurts
You are like a breeze that
wraps me around
in
sure security
You are like a breeze,
the most flirtatious of
all atmospheres
You are like a breeze that
belongs to
my
ocean pull
the sky is weeping
for the loss of
a loving mother
a supportive daughter
a caring friend
at the blooming age of 33
the wind is raging
against her murderer
a chameleon charmed his way
into her innocent heart
a fungi corrupted her being
eventually caused her to
lose her defence
she is lying in repose
a beauty covered in rust
like a tainted rose
she is
as slim as a cigarette
as slender as a cane
only he
sees her through the smoke
knows her aiding quality
while others
are addicted to her
desire her punishment
some memories are a haze
no recollection of the first kiss
nor school graduations
it was like a tasteless fog
breakups used to taste like sour wines
hurtful words once felt like poisons
friendships were full of giggles
fun time used to be like sunshine
some memories are like sharks
they are capable of swallowing you alive
Pop covered Nan’s head with a tin bucket
dented it all over with a hammer
Ma attacked Pa full force
left fingernail scratches
some things once seen
cannot be unseen
I wish they were blurry
we don’t see people
we see our opinions
through people
she looks so thin
she is an anorexic
he has no front teeth
he is an addict
she has been diagnosed with
nasal cavity cancer
what do you expect
she is a chain smoker
he lost the custody of
his children
why are you so surprised
he is a drunk
when we are confronted with matters
beyond our own experience
or understanding
it is easier to
pose judgement or
be clinical about it
but
is that being helpful
wouldn’t it be more logical
to take it at face value
and empathise with the person
standing in the gap
and looking between
Saturn’s and Uranus’ rings
how does the goat reach the water bearer
does he follow the rocky path
and tread through the water ice
but only to discover
it is all just shimmering dust
isn’t it ironic
being on a cusp
does’t necessary give you
the benefit of both states
it often gives you false hopes
destined to disappoint
Flicker of Thoughts 