Floating on a lilo, squinting to the clouds, day dreaming…
Sinking into the couch, getting lost in a book, coffee brewing…
Curling up on a soft rug, playing my favourite tracks, fire crackling…
Dangling my feet in the water, watching the fishermen, time trickling…
Digging my toes in the sand, breathing in the salty mist, wave crashing…
Leaving everything, rushing into the storm, barefoot running…
Reaching out my hand, smiling at you, a life worth living!
Its ‘believe for Sally’ Day! Sally is a local hero and a young mother who is fighting late stage of cancer.
I didn’t have tattoos nor piercings. I didn’t believe punching holes in my body, period.
Many years ago, Sally’s sister Rachel and I went to the same church and we love Jesus.
A month ago, an Instagram post struck my eye. It’s an invitation to the Inked Fish Salon to have ‘believe’ tattooed to support Sally.
I am not a person who makes hasty decisions for things with permanency. After a week’s contemplation, I decided to participate ‘believe for Sally’.
I lost people whom I love to cancer is not a piece of news. It happened, happening and will continue to happen. The word ‘believe’ for me, it is beyond believing for miracle healing of cancer, it is believing that we are not allowing cancer to rob us of joy in this life.
When I was 18, my cousin 思丹 was 13. She was a happy, simple and beautiful village girl. We lost her to leukemia shortly after she turned 14.
I clearly remembered that last time I visited her in the hospital. 思丹 loved mangos. I took her a juicy and meaty mango when I visited her. She was as pale as a porcelain doll. They stopped all treatment already. We took turns to brush her forearms, the only thing she found pleasurable in her last days.
I offered her the mango. I saw her eyelashes fluttering like the butterfly emerging from the cocoon. Then she curved her fingers signalling welcome to my offer. I was about to stand up to cut up the mango for 思丹. My uncle rushed off his seat and stopped me doing that. He told me mango is not good for her daughter’s diet. I was a compliant person. I honoured my uncle’s request. So 思丹 died 2 days after deprived from her favourite fruit.
By the village’s tradition, it is a taboo to bury a young person along the ancestors in the family graveyard. So 思丹 was buried somewhere in the forest. To me, that somewhere is a wasteland of nowhere.
I had been angry at myself for a long time, for not fighting for 思丹’s last pleasure of tasting a mango, for not being able to stand up to my uncle’s authority. More over, I hated the fear cancer instilled in my love ones’ hearts. It robbed them blind of simple pleasure and joy in life.
#believe4Sally and beyond, it is my pledge to believe miracle healing and be joyful in tribulations.
“Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfast in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)
I was a bit down
yesterday
I stuck in that melancholy rug
I even took a walk
to the bluest sky
and bathed in the most
striking sunshine
I restrained myself from
looking at the shadow patch
where no grass would grow
I turned off the sad tunes
of agony moans
I even played aeroplane
when dining alone
So one spoon full after the next
I conducted self care
By the nightfall is
when the vampires roar
I wrote myself a cheeky poem
to dig myself out of the
depressive hole
Facing a raw wide open wound
I have no magic hands to heal
All that I have I give to dress the wound
in due time
it heals with its own stamina.
Flowing from a pure heart
dripping kind intended words
washing mud, dust and grime
or anything irritating, infecting or scaring
placing tender loving caring gauze
covering with a prayer of blessing
May your wound be healed
with the little persistent gesture I express
I am no nurse no carer
I am a stranger in the cyber space
Only my soul sees your pain and tear
All that I have I give to dress your wound
Today I sing a love song to you my most intimate friend
You stretched out your hands to me in my distress
You embraced me with warmth and comfort
When I was stuck in my misery, drenched in my sorrow
you came from heaven and met me where I was
You are the most high and yet you came on earth to my rescue
I love you my friend! You are worthy
I am rendering 4 walls
in my heart
because my baby is dying
the anticipating pain
I cannot bear
night is my enemy
it tricks me to hear my baby is crying
I bow my face to the ground
oh Lord!
Your promise of life
will not return void
This is my only hope
in the tomb I am preparing in my heart
for my baby’s burial
from this life to eternity
Mercy!
My heart shattered by his pain
I long for his smile in the shower of your light
on earth as it is in heaven
So young he is, I beg
restore his childlike innocence
wisdom only comes with time
A dying child, a dying mother’s wish and
only hope!
Flicker of Thoughts 